Enough.

Without realizing it (or should I say, through very effective denial), I have fully and properly screwed myself.

As I write this, my credit card bill, representing the last $2k to my name (that's including my next paycheck, btw) is in the mail to me. Unless I start doing something differently, next month I will begin to carry a balance, which will mark the first time I've ever had consumer debt. Choice timing, too. I've got a September vacation to plan, an out-of-state wedding to attend (as the MOH) in October, and another plane ticket home for Thanksgiving to buy.

I am starting to flesh out a plan to implement in order to gain back some control. I'll post more specifics later. It doesn't involve anything fancy, but I will be rolling up my sleeves.

It's time to take back my life so I can start making choices again, instead of being enslaved by the bad choices I made last month, or the bad habits that always choose for me.

July 2009 Net Worth

You know you're essentially living paycheck to paycheck when you get excited about a 3-paycheck month. And boy, am I.

Emergency Fund: $2,319.66
Checking: $1154.40
ING Funds (total): $5.00 (oopsies)
Roth IRA: $4,831.92 (out of the $6,000 I've invested so far)
401k: $1,711.34 (out of $1,765.28 invested)
Sharebuilder: $31.38 (out of $50 initial investment)
____________
Total Positive: $10,054.20

Rent: $850.00
Credit card: $3,338.32
Student Loan I: $9,330.50
Student Loan II: $0
Ebay purchases: $30.00
____________
Total Negative: $13,548.82

______________________
Total Net Worth: -$3,494.62

Let's debrief.

I'm becoming more Zen about my spending habits. I buy less frantically. That's good. What's not good is that I spend just as much time eying the goods as I did before. I'd also like to increase the cash flow to gain an edge over this issue, and if nothing else, eat up some time I would otherwise spend spending (or eating). I've posted a few of my horrid impulse-buys on ebay. If I manage to sell anything, all proceeds will go to the E-fund. Which brings me to my next issue:

The restaurant LITERALLY right next door to my apartment is hiring. Should I apply for a part-time gig?

Pros: It's next door. The commute is about 10 steps. The food is GREAT.
Cons: It's next door! What if someone decides to stalk me? I'm practically sending out an invitation. And if I work there, could I ever be a patron again? Would it ruin a good spot to eat?

June 2009 Net Worth

Emergency Fund: $700.55
Checking: $65.00
ING Funds (total): $1,401.00
Roth IRA: $4,562.95 (out of the $5,800 I've invested so far)
401k: $1,601.27 (out of $1,661.44 invested)
Sharebuilder: $30.99 (out of $50 initial investment)
____________
Total Positive: $8,361.76

Rent: PAID
Credit card: $3,087.40
Student Loan I: $9,721.91
Student Loan II: $0
____________
Total Negative: $12,809.31

______________________
Total Net Worth: -$4,447.55

Labor of Love

Even though I've been treading water for the past year financially, there are a few things to celebrate:

1. One of my student loans has been paid off;
2. My total student loan debt is now under 10k!;
3. I've lost weight like I set out to do, and even though I've gained some of it back, I will never give up;
4. B has successfully completed law school and has earned a spot at a prestigious firm, although his start date has been deferred to October 2010 because of the economy; and
5. In the meantime, they're paying him to work for a non-profit, which means more us-time than we expected.

I'm excited for the future. I want to continue taking care of myself and make a habit of being forgiving of myself and others. I know it isn't new years, but it's never too soon for some new goals.

May 2009 Net Worth

Emergency Fund: $1,800.55
Checking: $919.00
ING Funds (total): $1,669.53
Roth IRA: $4,173.58 (out of the $5,400 I've invested so far)
401k: $1,378.62 (out of $1,557.60 invested)
Sharebuilder: $30.61 (out of $50 initial investment)
____________
Total Positive: $9,971.89

Rent: $825
Credit card: $3,293.58
Student Loan I: $10,394.15
Student Loan II: $0
____________
Total Negative: $14,512.73

Net Worth: -$4,540.84

Internet-blocking software, where are you when I need you most?

Net worth Checkup

Emergency Fund: $2,051.10
Checking: $1,039.48
ING Funds (total): $1,529.26
Roth IRA: $3,917.46 (out of the $5,400 I've invested so far)
401k: $1,384.59 (out of $1,557.60 invested)
Sharebuilder: $29.20 (out of $50 initial investment)
____________
Total Positive: $9,951.09

Rent: $825
Credit card: $2,358.11
Student Loan I: $10,379.18
Student Loan II: $0
____________
Total Negative: $13,562.29

Net Worth: -$3,611.20

I just wanted to do an end-of-month checkup to see how my tax return has impacted my finances. Since I'm supposedly renewing my efforts, I really need to put a freeze on that revolving line of credit. I pay it off every month, but it just leaves me treading water. I watched Suze Orman's special again on PBS yesterday, and it helped me to cancel some of the things I ordered that I know I don't need. Though that silicone bakeware had me at "non-stick."

Prospective Budget

I'm sure I don't have to say it, but I haven't even attempted to adhere to or even rework my budget in a long time. So here's my tentative reworked budged:

$2,540.00/month after taxes.

Rent: $825 (up to $850 in June)
Loan: $500 (the required monthly payment is actually $90, but if I keep paying this much, it'll be paid off by the end of 2010, instead of the suggested date of 2026. After payoff, sweep to E-Fund. OR, maybe I should contribute $400 here, and $500 to my E-fund. URGH.)
E-Fund: $400 (after it hits $8,000, decrease to $300 and sweep extra to F-fund)
Utilities: approx. $45
Food: approx. $100
Checking cushion: $200 (this includes incidentals, going out)
F-Fund: $100
Medical/Dental: $100 (after it hits $500, sweep to F-fund)
Clothes: $40
Investing: $100
Vacation/Airfare: $60
Tiffany necklace: $35
Gifts: $35

And I'll say it now before I convince myself that it's not true: I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER PIECE OF JEWELRY (...except for one of those Tiffany key necklaces (oy) -- I can't decide whether to get the vintage oval key in silver or the trefoil key in gold).

I will go home tonight and return as much as I can. I can't even say it outloud, but I'll try to believe it when I write that except for on my birthday on Thursday, I will not visit QVC.com or HSN.com at all. Seeing that in writing reminds me that I am my mother's daughter. Please God, never let me succumb to Quacker Factory...