And now, an update.

Last we talked, I had quit my job without another lined up.

Let's rewind.

It was a Monday morning. I wasn't feeling great, so I decided it was an ideal opportunity to use a sick day. A to-do list for the day: watch "Do the Right Thing" (a Spike Lee joint), determine the ideal ratio of honey to cinnamon when eaten straight from a cup, file fingernails into squovals, and finish an application for a job posting I saw the day before at a company to which I've sent no less than seven applications over the past several years. Check, check (the answer is half and half), check, and check.

Fast forward to Saturday - I'm trudging through the mall on an epic search for a dress to wear the following weekend to a friend's wedding in the hottest place on earth, and I get an e-mail asking me to come in for an interview. I wasn't sure this day would ever come, and I am over the moon. I abandon my search and spend the rest of the weekend obsessing over strategy. Should I take the first available interview or the last? My instinct was last. I decided to take first. On Wednesday.

Now, how to handle my current job? I had already used a sick day last week. My options: (i) lie, and tell them I have a doctor's appointment, (ii) tell them I have an interview and that I need the morning off (awkward...), or (iii) put in my notice, and then tell them I have an interview and will be taking the morning off. I choose door number 3 and give my notice Monday afternoon. Am I that confident that I will get the job? No. I just decided my job didn't fit into my plan anymore, and I had nothing to lose (except money).

I am obsessive in my preparation for the interview. Barely sleep. The morning of my interview, it's hot and sweaty. I'm dressed as if I'm a circa 1992 day-trader. I'm an hour early so as not to be late. I spend the hour trying to slow my heart at a hotel across the street. I walk in an acceptable 5 minutes early. The interview is 45 minutes long. I know I say a few things they like, and I know I am also very awkward for a few choice moments. I am unsure. I craft a 2 sentence thank-you e-mail in 45 minutes.

The next couple days I am made aware that they are checking my references. I am hopeful, but not too much.

On Saturday I fly to the wedding in hottest place on earth with an old dress that is admittedly too snug. I worry I may go deaf on the plane back (faulty Eustachian tubes). I try not to mention my interview too much for fear of embarrassment if I don't get the job, but it manages to come up in nearly every conversation. I imagine the humiliating conversations this could lead to at the wedding of whichever friend gets married next.

The following week at work is awkward. I angst over a hand-written thank-you note I write them to remind them of my existence. By Friday I am thanked for my e-mail and note. In a dramatic turn of events, one of my references forgets to call them back. Drama! I fix it, and all is well.

On Monday afternoon at work we are treated to a sushi lunch by a company kissing ass. There are also, strangely, fortune cookies. My fortune states, "Expect a change for the better in job or status in the future." I share it with a co-worker who grabs my hand and is sure it is a sign.

On the train home that day, I check my phone and see an e-mail from one of the people who interviewed me. "We are pleased to offer you..."

I'm frozen. I'm smiling. I can't believe it's finally happening.

So there it is. I have to pass a background check, so there's still that, but barring some freak finding, I will probably start the first week of August.

Job History

Over at Punch Debt in the Face, DN asked readers to make a list of their job histories to see if their current jobs are the last in a line of logical progressions. Here is my job history, from age 12:

1. Babysitter
2. Grocery store bagger/cashier
3. Sales associate at the Gap
4. File clerk temp at phone company
5. Instrument sterilizer at dental office
6. Junior dental assistant
7. File clerk at law firm
8. Slide projectionist for an art history class (work-study)
9. Server at seafood restaurant
10. Intern at a an art museum (unpaid, does this count?)
11. Paralegal
12. Front desk at a dental office

Totally predictable. My job history looks sort of like a circle. Not only have I not been making any large leaps forward, but my latest job, especially in this context, appears to be a step back. I'm approaching it more as a momentary pause, but it's still annoying to it see laid out like this.

New Job Beefs

I thought I had cracked the code to accepting a lower-paying job: overtime. I would just work a few teensy little hours of overtime each week, and viola, I could force them to pay me my asking price.

As good as I felt about logging those extra hours, after a few weeks in a row, my new employer was not amused. Apparently, they don't "do" overtime. Uh oh.

My first beef is that it's incredibly hard to even come close to completing all the work that needs to be done in any given day, even when I work overtime. I've only ever held a salaried job before, wherein I would work until the work was completed. Yes, at times I felt that I was being taken advantage of, but at least shit got done. Now, there is a completely different kind of pressure in the form of the office manager needling me out of the door as I approach 40 hours. What to do in this situation? Sure, I'll get better and faster as time goes by, but in reality, this job probably requires 2 people. We're looking for some part-time help, but until then, do I just let my stacks grow and hope that they recognize that I'm working my ass off, NOT slacking off?

My second beef really isn't on-topic at all, but is necessary for me to vent before it crushes my soul. So I work at the front desk. I understand the front desk needs to look presentable, and that it's semi-shared territory, as someone may need to sit there to check people out in my absence. I am completely fine with that, and I am not one of those people who latches onto the THIS IS MY DESK notion. ...HOWEVER, I do work there everyday, and 99% of time time, I am the only person using that desk, and yet I don't even get ANY drawer-space. I have one box of tea and a chapstick, yet there is no room to be had!

And don't even get me started on the TOP of the desk. When I leave 2 neat, staggered stacks of papers at the end of the day as a reminder for myself, the next morning it inevitably has transformed to 1 solid stack in the file tray in the corner. When I leave a few post-its in a neat row in front of my phone as a reminder to call certain people in the morning, they are moved to the corner, stuck one on top of the other, right next to the to-do stack. The office manager's fascist tendencies are going to drive me insane.

It's business time.

I know everyone must be on pins and needles waiting to hear whether or not I accepted the offer, well SURPRISE (or not!), I did. It's not that I'm thrilled with the new position, because I'm not, and I don't have to be; it's a temporary stop-gap.

I gave my three-weeks notice on Friday, February 12th. I laughed (not really), cried (yes, I did), and finally AWKWARDLY announced my exit. I know it's incredibly unprofessional to cry at work - in front of your boss, no less - but I was overcome with all this intense emotion, it just kind of started out of nowhere. But I never claimed to posses elegance or grace.

I know so far I've mentioned a lot of negatives about my new position, but here are the positives:

• Two-block commute. Literally.
• Normal bosses. So far, so good.
• Possibly every other Friday off.
• Free dental.
• MUCH more interaction with actual people, instead of the usual basement-dwellers. (Yes, we work in a basement.)

I can live with that for at least 6 months, I think.

To make the transition even more awkward, I'll say this: I'm looking for a replacement, so if you're in the Boston area and you're reading this, and you think you might be interested, email me (ekingout AT gmail DOT com), and we'll see what happens. No promises, because shit's complicated.

as;ldfhaslhdgowi'oainv!!!

Holy shit, y'all. Remember all my it's-now-or-never, throwing-caution-to-the-wind-and-not-looking-back, I'm-young-and-I'm-free-and-I'm-JUMPING-with-or-without-a-net proclamations?

I GOT AN OFFER.

And just in time for my 100th post, no less.

I feel not at all unlike Jessie Spano in her classic "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... scared" freak out. And just to clarify, I'm excited to be leaving this place, and scared of the possibility that I'm trading a not good known quantity for an even shittier situation.

The deets: The field is just different, not more interesting - it's not my dream field. The pay is hourly, as opposed to salary. I get paid less than I do now. My health insurance costs will be deducted from my paycheck, as opposed to being paid in full by my employer. I get a week less vacation.

Maybe I'm crazy to be considering this job (considering it seems that I'm losing much more than I'm gaining). Or maybe I'm crazy not to have accepted right away (considering that there's a chance I may not be miserable there, whereas I know for a fact that I will continue to wallow in misery if I stay here). I have until tomorrow to think about it, whereupon I will give notice (and yes, I'm hyperventilating just thinking about it), or not. I would love... LOVE any input.

Item 1 of 3

As promised, I'm spilling regarding some recent [mostly mental] developments. I'm divvying them up into 3 separate posts so as not to blow your mind:

Item 1. I'm quitting my job.

No, I didn't get another job. I've been sending out resumes, yes, but I haven't gotten one bite. And no, I'm not in the most comfortable position financially, but no matter how much uncertainty I'm barrelling toward (head on, in fact), nothing would be more detrimental to my career and my heath than staying in my current job. That's the truth.

I've learned things from my first real job -- mostly what NOT to do, so I am grateful for that. However, I have also become so jaded, apathetic and STUPID, and I cannot allow it to continue poisoning myself and others (figuratively, of course) another day. Well, another day past my 26th birthday, which I've decided should be my very last day.

I'm giving notice on March 12. I'm still applying for jobs, but I will give notice whether or not I've received another offer.

I'm scared. I'm exhilarated.


More tomorrow -- same time, same place.

Only me to Hold me Back

I've been struggling a lot lately with a few big issues. To put it simply, I'm sad and bored. The reason for this is two-, or maybe four-fold. It's difficult to parse out the tiny, separate, nuanced reasons, but here's the gist of it:

1. I've disliked my job from the very first day I set foot in the office more than 3 years ago -- the atmosphere as well as the subject matter. I've stayed because (i) I agreed to stay for at least 2 years, and I wanted to prove I could do it no matter how tough it was, (ii) I'm paid well for what I do, and I the health benefits are generous, (iii) the economy, and (iv) I can't think of anything I would actually like to do instead;


2. I am relatively isolated. The only person I see outside of work is my fiance, and the only other people I regularly keep in contact with are my parents (I don't have any siblings). I've never been very sociable, and I find that making (and keeping) friends is sort of exhausting and difficult. However, now that I work in a tiny office, and I'm not in school, I find myself missing a little bit of companionship. And sadly, I find it especially difficult to make friends and identify with other women.
   
3. I have no solid interests. This is either the cause or the result of my tendency toward consumption-based addictions (see: FOOD and SHOPPING), I haven't decided. I don't really do many things that could be considered "hobbies". I've tried things like knitting, but it feels pointless. I read sometimes. I tried a silver-smithing class. I've signed up for a sewing class. Nothing really sticks, and I spend most of my time doing what amounts to nothing, which produces more anxiety. It also makes things like "interest inventories" difficult, since I can see myself enjoying each option equally, which makes picking a direction that much harder.
   
4. I haven't worked out a purpose. Now, I don't mean some big Come to Jesus moment where I attain spiritual enlightenment. I'm talking about something that I can get passionate about. It doesn't have to be something I do for a living right now; it doesn't have to be philanthropic or IMPORTANT; it just need something fulfilling that excites me -- something that I can nurture and develop that makes my heart pound -- something I want to stay up all night working on until I can't keep my eyes open. Items 3 and 4 are subtly different. 3 can serve as fodder for some light conversation. 4 gets me out of bed in the morning. Ideally (eventually), a career could be derived from or based on 4, but should at least be related tangentially to 3. 3 is broad, 4 is deep. I don't think I need to say it, but knitting doesn't fall into this category either. I painted for a while in college, and that was the closest I ever felt to feeling "flow" (except for maybe my philosophy course), but its such a big, tortured process, and I don't think it was THE THING for me.
   

I'm aware that these are all big elements of life, and a lot of people would argue that, outside of the things I've included in this list, there's not much else to it. These are really basic things that make up a personality -- likes, dislikes, friends -- that make up a person, and as such, they're things that I shouldn't even have to consciously address, which makes their absence even more perplexing.

I'd be interested to hear from anyone who finds him or herself in similar circumstances, or someone who has successfully fixed what needed fixin'.

MBTI?

I've been doing some sniffing around online about Myers-Briggs personality typing. I took a quick test yesterday through my school's alumni center, and it typed me as INTJ. IN, ok, but TJ?

Let's rewind. For those of you who need a reintroduction to the new-age personality typing that was all the rage with high school guidance counselors of yesteryear, here's the wikipedia entry.

Anyway, it's no secret that I'm constantly angsting about what I should be doing with my life, so I was hoping for a little insight via 10 minute online quizzie. Unless my powers of recall have lessened considerably with age, I believe I've always tested as INFP. What's this TJ business? Was I feeling particularly thoughtful, judgemental yesterday? Reading more about the INTJ type description, it sounded even less like me than I expected, which leads me to believe that the quiz was rigged and possibly put there to confuse people (like me) dumb enough to take it. As you can probably deduce from my snark, I'm sceptical.

Do I even buy into this personality typing stuff? Is it possible to type yourself through your own perceptions? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm no closer to a potential career in anything.

I Gotta Move

I have a lot of free time. I have no commitments except to my full-time job and my boyfriend. I spend a lot of time wasting time, not even pretending to do anything productive. Now, all of the sudden I'm 24, and I feel that I've accomplished little since college graduation.

It seems that all this idle time is pretty counterproductive. As I mentioned in prior posts, I'm thinking about getting a part-time job. Since my rent is going up about $300 per month, I'll need some extra cash to avoid feeling strapped. More importantly, I'm alone a lot, which is turning out to be not so healthy for me.

Right now, I interact with an office of about 9 other people, and I see my boyfriend for a few hours over the weekend. And that's it. It's awful, but I don't have friends. I expect a part-time job to provide me with more (i) companionship of people around my own age, (ii) money, and (iii) perspective. Being alone all the time does nothing for that third one.

If anyone would like to share a related experience, I'm all ears.

Multiply

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm considering picking up a part-time job to accomplish a few things:

First, I'd like a little extra money. Ideally, that extra money would also come with discounts on things I need, like clothes or food, or other perks.

Another big issue is that I'm still on the prowl for a future, and by that, I do mean a career. Even more than the first 2 requirements, it's essential that I try some new things out and find something I'm interested in.

Does anyone have any success stories to share with me?

You were young, and man, you were sad...

There have been a lot of articles lately about workplace bullies, which are basically variations on The No Asshole Rule. I'm going to be honest and say that I've dealt with a few here at First Real Job, Inc., and I may have even been one a few times.

So for those of you still unsure whether your boss is a bully, here are a few favorite bully pastimes:

1. Excessive yelling, screaming, shouting, or swearing;
2. Sarcasm, haranguing, and public humiliation; and
3. Treating the underlings like shit.

Please note, this is not to be confused with valid criticism. A lot has been made of Gen-Y's need for incessant fawning and praise. Some people are more adept than others at taking criticism, and ideally, your first job should thicken your skin a bit. While criticism is tough, it's also necessary, and in the end, invaluable to your progress. This post is not about that -- it's about workplace abuse.

While, admittedly, there are a few strategic reasons to be an asshole, there are far more reasons not to be, including the following:

HIGH TURN-OVER
No one likes to work with assholes, especially when those assholes are in positions of authority. The new hires get out before they get sucked in.

NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS
Employees will go out of their way to avoid reporting bad news to asshole bosses. For that reason, the business could be falling apart, while the boss is none the wiser. Productivity also goes down when people are obsessed with hiding things, or worried about the next nuclear fall-out.

ILLNESS (AND "ILLNESS")
Whether the illness is legit, fabricated, or imagined, asshole bosses cause more sick days that non-asshole bosses.

SAD, ANGRY ZOMBIES
Bullying creates sad, angry zombie employees, and everyone knows zombies eat brains. Just sayin'.

I think I'm past-due for some defunkification.

Salary Malaise

A salary is a solution and a problem all wrapped into one.

Pros: A salary guarantees a steady flow of money each month as long as you're employed. Your paycheck is written out for the same amount every 2 weeks. There are no surprises.

Cons: There are no surprises. No matter how many hours you log, or how hard you work (or not), the numbers are always the same. Where's my motivation?

I'm not asking for a lay-off, thankyouverymuch, and it's not time for a raise, so I'm thinking about getting a part-time job for a little extra "surprise" money at the end of the day, some social interaction, and perhaps a field-trip into uncharted occupational territory.